To be honest, there is no alternative to making decisions. For some, it comes easier than it does for others, but ultimately, we all must make big and small decisions to navigate through life. And then comes the what if.
We have all heard about the butterfly effect. It’s the phenomenon whereby a minute localized change in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere. And I’m led to wonder, how my life would look like had I made some of my decisions differently.
What if I hadn’t changed schools back in seventh grade? What if I had decided to stay in the comforts of my hometown and refused to come to Bangalore? Would my life have turned out any different than it is now? Would I be a different person then?
Probably, yes. My life would be different and I might not even be the person I am today. But would that be for the better? No one will ever know.
And now, as I see the finish line to my undergraduate degree, these thoughts cross my mind ever so often. Now, it is time to make some of the major decisions of my life that will give it a new direction and lead me down a strange path.
Now and then, I’m reminded of this very famous poem by Robert Frost called ‘The Road Not Taken’. For those who haven’t read it, I would highly recommend it to you. In that, the poet talks about standing at a point in his life where he has to choose one of the two roads before him. One of them carries a lot of footprints and wear signifying that it is the one taken by the majority. The other is eerily barren, the less chosen one.
The poet is a brave man, he chooses the road less chosen, and back when I first read the piece, I identified myself with him, thinking I would probably do the same.
And now the time has come where I’m standing at the exact place he was. I can see the two roads before me as I weigh the pros and cons of each. Here, I realize I’ve grown. The temptation of going down the road less chosen is fading and I find myself drawn to the one chosen by many. There is a comfort in that, a form of security that I crave at this point of my life for various reasons.
But the artist inside of me is disappointed, yearning to go down the road less chosen, to take that risk.
It’s a constant battle I have to fight on my own to determine what sort of life I will make for myself. And then there is the fear of regrets. Whichever one I end up choosing, I will always wonder about the what-ifs of the other path. That’s the one thing I desperately do not want in my life, regrets.
So, what do I do then?
Here, I have decided to take life as it comes. I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t have to be one or the other. I am young, with plenty to undo and redo the decisions I make. I’ll choose one path and explore the beauty of it and if I do feel like I wish to explore the other path too, I will come back up and take the other to explore that one as well.
It’s raw and stupid and we cannot have it all in life, but I have decided to make my path, make mistakes and rectify them all on my own.
It was one or the other for Robert Frost, but I am not him. I am my person and I will do with my life as I deem fit.
And the best part of this plan is? No one can stop me.
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