Dear Self,
Hope this letter finds you in the pink of your health and spirits. I am writing this letter to you, to remind you of something very important, something about which you forgot completely. No, it’s not your grandma’s birthday. I am talking about meaning-seeking and acceptance.
You have been working very hard. You are not aware of it right now, but trust me you are. You continuously feel guilty when you take some time out for yourself. You keep thinking you are not doing enough. You think 38/50 is not good enough. I want you to stop feeling that. I know you think that’s the most important thing in life, but it is not. Your marks, how attracted boys/girls are towards you, your body, they do not define you. I am sure you have heard this a lot of time. People would then proceed to say, your inner beauty, your behaviour towards others, that defines you. Well, according to me, they are wrong. Who are they to define what defines you? Anything, everything and nothing defines you. This void in space defines you. The void, which you choose to fill in with whatever way you want. You CHOOSE what defines you. But if you choose that before knowing who you really are and accepting yourself for that, you will be making a horrible choice. You need to first know and accept yourself, to change yourself. When people say, you don’t need to change yourself, they are completely wrong. Change is the only constant thing. You always have to change yourself. Now it’s your choice to change for better or worse. So, if you ask me what’s the most important thing in life, my answer would be to accept yourself and choose what defines you. I am yet to accept and choose. But I am making a good progress. You see, I am making a list, a list of my pros and cons. You must be something, “Why cons?”, well if you don’t know your cons, there’s no way you’ll accept yourself. Everyone wants to be perfect. Even you do. But you are only 13 now. You are still trying to figure yourself out. You always ask this question, what makes you unique, basically, what makes US unique. I have your answer now. You observe and understand. You speak less. You react less, but you always try to grow. And let me tell you this, as you grow up, you’ll start to accept yourself, you will fight against the whole world, without reacting, without speaking, just to keep accepting yourself. You know that flaws are normal and perfection is overrated. You don’t hesitate from changing. You are willing to make mistakes and learn from them. Your journey, that’s unique. Now, lets get serious. You had so many questions about your future, so let me tell you something. We are headed towards a career in the field of psychology. We aspire to be clinical psychologist and work in in a hospital setting. It was not easy, there are still many uncertainties, but as I said before, our journey is unique, but it is so much when you accept and love yourself! The beauty of what we are studying now, is that we have many options- but we are still figuring out. I can assure this much that we are headed in the right direction. As Cinderella has said- “have courage and be kind”. For me, this is the mantra to live a worthy life. Have the courage to make mistakes, and be kind enough to forgive your mistakes. To live a worthy life, we need to have the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. We need to be kind enough to forgive ourselves and others. It is the year 2020, our world is hit by a global pandemic. People are suffering in so many ways- mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. Amidst all these misfortune, one can live a good life by having hope and being positive. Good life is the ability to be hopeful, have faith and accept oneself whatever the situation may be.
People around you, they will always say something that will bother you. I know you have heard all these statements- “you are fat and the only thing you were good at was studying, but now, you are not doing so good at that too. You are a liability now. You are so fat that no one would even want to marry you”. But, do not let these statements bother you. People, they will never stop blabbering. That is their job. Sometimes we need to understand their perspective too, maybe they want us to work on ourselves, so that we reach our full potential. That can be one of the reasons. But we can never know for sure. They want us to help them, to serve them. Our close ones have expectations from us, they want us to help them. We try so hard to make them proud if us. We work very hard. We strive for perfection. But it is important to know that it is just not possible to make everybody happy. Even if you give your 200%, you are bound to disappoint one person in the crowd. But that is okay. We can be of their help, only if we help ourselves first. We need to first accept ourself. Then only we can help others. In this world full of technology, we have lost the sense of communication. if we want to understand others, it is important that we communicate with them.
Now, let’s see the intrinsic problem. One of them is stress. Stress can be because of so many things. You think it is going to reduce when you grow up, but you are mistaken. Life never gets less stressful. It is very important to know the source of your stress Currently my stress is due to, unending due assignments, meeting deadlines and the student organizations I am part of. But I am learning a lot from this. I am realizing the importance of time management; I am learning how my family and friends are important for my emotional health and that surviving alone is very difficult. I am realizing that there is a certain amount of thrill in the hustle. I am learning the value of hard work and smart work. You asked me, in your previous letter, if I believe that the stress is because God is punishing me. As you know, we are not one of those who blames their mistakes on external factor. I believe in god, but I don’t think he is punishing me. So, the answer to your question would be no. Sometimes it may feel like, the stress, the pain is never ending. I used to feel so too. When you will enter class 11, things are going to be hard. You will find it hard to cope up. But let me tell you this, you are going to thrive, you are going to keep working hard and your hard work will definitely pay off. I am the living example of it. Right now, I might feel that the never-ending amount of stress is a warning sign that I need to change my lifestyle. But at the same time, I realize that eustress is important for motivation and it is teaching me a lot. So, we are going to keep working hard and embrace the stress.
Every new day, is a new beginning, a new start. Everyday there is something new. You always wonder what college is going to be like, so let me tell you- it is very different, everyday something new happens. Currently due to the global pandemic, everything is online, even the classes, so sometimes it feels like nothing new is happening. But this is the time, when we need to have faith and enjoy every moment. When we start doing that, newness and excitement emerges in everything. Paying attention and enjoying the smallest wonders of our surrounding, our environment, being aware of the changes taking place, adapting to them and embracing them, embracing and taking into consideration our subjective experiences is important to appreciate the present because, as I said before our journey, it is unique and being present and enjoying the present makes it more valuable and fun. This moment, when I am writing this letter to you, answering all your questions, this is a meaningful moment because I am reflecting upon all I have learnt, learning and yet to learn. Every moment, good or bad, ugly or beautiful, boring or fun is meaningful, because with each fleeting moment, we learn, we grow.
I hope I was able to answer all your questions.
Stay happy, and enjoy your life.
Love always,
20 years old Sulagna
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