Have you ever imagined, why some aspects or phases in your life can't be recollected no matter how hard you try? Is it because you are suppressing those negative thoughts or is it simply infantile amnesia?
Before reaching the age of 17, psychology was not in my radar of knowledge. It was non-existent for me. "Never take life for granted" - a quote that my parents have been teaching my young sister & myself for all these years.
Life can't be taken for granted, nor is it easy to live through - this may be subjective but sometimes even God cannot help you need His help because everyone should learn how to stand up on their own.
Was just 13, when the stressful environment started to take a toll on my mental health. Verbal & physical conflicts with my peers was a common occurrence. Day by day, my daily activities became difficult because of my battle with my psychological health turning towards the negative side.
Grew up with a lot of morals, one being that life is better when you don't sin - largely my parents requested me not to involve myself in a physical altercation with my peers.
But as I started reaching 15 years of age, I had a situation which can be related with a concept called frustration - aggression hypothesis {when people release their frustration in the form of aggression towards an object or person, when they were previously unable to}.
Being a believer in not starting a fight was forced to believe that without fighting back against negative situations would make it worse in the future. Like I mentioned, my teenage years weren't easy but even time before that wasn't a calm ride either. Due to working parents, tutors were given the responsibility to take care of my academics but even then there was a brief time when the tutors decided to target me to physical altercations.
By the time, 11th class was over there was a complete change in my personality. Being in altercations became a part of my life because of which it didn't bother to a point when even scars didn't stop me from facing them the next day.
In 11th, when I discovered psychology it did help me to calm down as I related with the people who went through similar things like I did.
Through time, there was a change in how I thought about myself & others. Hope was something, that didn't help me throughout the rough time but I did hold on to it. Trust was lost as there was constant betrayal by close friends. Even though I was going through so much issues, I held on to the thought that everything will be fine soon.
While everyone, were sheding tears on the last day of our school I was felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. Soon college begun & the moment it did, I shut my past & locked it away to avoid feeling guilty.
College gave me time to think about myself, like I mentioned times weren't good it did change where I discovered great people who decided to stay by my side but I did loose a close friend - I don't regret it. To look on the bright side, times did change & having hope is something that I would continue to have.
I would do anything to keep myself from being hurt by things that shouldn't cause me any problem.
This was for my older self, to assure that times will be difficult but they'll eventually become better & you will be happier.
Yours truly,
Abhinav
Commenti