I don’t think people understand what true love is. Love is taking care of each other. Actually, trying to understand where the other person comes from. Understanding the person to love their soul and not to crack the code what manipulation trick would work on them. Love is not conditions, rules or mediocrity. Love is consistency. Love is support, safety and emotional reliance. Find a person who calls you kind, smart, bold, courageous and not the one who calls you hot or sexy. In a world full of lies look for consistency. Look for people who show up. Love is not how many flowers or clothes you buy for a person. Or how many pictures you have posted together. And it is definitely not what we see in movies- oh he followed me around or if he is mean to me, then he likes me. Stalking is not love but being patient enough to know the other person is. Being mean is not love but being careful with your words and actions is. So, let’s just detangle our minds from all the confusion and really understand what we should look for in a relationship. But before that lets learn a little more about consistency. Consistency, is like showing up for someone or something, not just once in a while, but regularly, like a reliable friend. It is the purest form of love language a person could ever show. Even Relationship psychologists agree that consistency is the key to develop a strong long- term relationships.
Things that don’t feel that wrong but in reality, are the deal breakers of the relationship-
Emotional manipulation-Imagine someone using your feelings like a sculptor uses clay, moulding them into shapes that serve their own purposes. They might exploit your vulnerabilities, twisting situations to their advantage, or subtly undermining your confidence. Emotional manipulation can take various sides like, gaslighting, saying sorry for the actions that they would never change, guilt tripping and not taking accountability of their actions (they might use sentences like you made me act this way) etc.
Solution is to understand that it is not about you are how much love you are able to be provide. It is about their own insecurities. These types of people never change no matter what you do, so the only rational way out of this is leaving the person.
The potential- stop falling for lies and start looking for actions. As humans we always look for hope. We want people to change for us. But that doesn’t happen in most of the cases. Situationships are very normal in our generation which can lead to a lot of unnecessary anxiety and confusion. To cope with that we should have strong boundaries and should understand that we deserve nothing less than what we want. Walking out of the relationship that doesn’t fulfil your needs is the right decision. Always waiting for the potential of something happening seems poetic but in reality, it’s just draining.
Co-dependency- Picture two trees whose branches have grown together, so intertwined that they rely on each other for support, even though it restricts their individual growth. This illustrates the core of co-dependency. It's a relational dynamic where one person's identity and well-being become excessively dependent on another. Co-dependency can lead to sacrificing self (to take care of others), blurred boundaries, seeking external validation etc. Co-dependency creates an imbalance within relationships. One person becomes the "giver," constantly providing support and care, while the other becomes the "receiver," relying on this support to function. This dynamic can hinder both individuals from achieving healthy autonomy and personal growth.
Start choosing people who have a life out of the relationship you both share. It is nearly selfish to expect one person to fulfil all your needs. These expectations are draining and extremely exhausting to live with.
Uncertainty- you never know what they want. It is always a guessing game. Does he like me? Is this a relationship? Relationship uncertainty resembles navigating a dimly lit path through an unfamiliar forest. You can sense the presence of something ahead, but its precise form and proximity remain elusive. Inconsistent behaviour can lead to feeling anxious which is often mistaken as ‘’butterflies in the stomach’’. Because of the uncertainty there is always a constant internal analysis paired with reluctance to initiate dialogue (which is to pop the question of ‘what are we’). it's the perpetual review of past interactions (looking for meaning in past chats or conversations), searching for hidden significance or unspoken cues. You might scrutinize every interaction, every communicated message, attempting to decipher the complexities of their inner world. The reluctance for the conversation roots from the fear of actually losing the person or spoiling the existing bond.
In the end I will conclude by saying that relationships aren’t supposed to be complicated or toxic. and the guy who doesn’t want to commit to you is definitely not ‘The One’ you missed out on. In the real world, things don’t work the way we have been listening. Love demands consistency, truth, loyalty and commitment. Always look for actions over words because at the end of the day their promises doesn’t matter but what they actually do, does.
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