home, where the hawk circles, the dog prowls, and people dream an uneasy dream
the corners of the bedrooms are memories in a prison, a black and white film reel of syringes and sadness fuelled euphoric highs
the day i met you was childhood’s vast plateau, just reachable peaks in every direction our eyes could wander
friendship with wolves and foxes, there didn’t seem to be better days to remember, and yet nostalgia finds cracks and slips through unseen, only to be felt anew
you dragged me down with you into that bottomless sea of unreality and chemical happiness. did that happiness count?
when it was done, no one could stop us from nursing our grief. the grief of a terrible symbiotic existence
an eternity of struggle later i stopped sinking deeper, rehabilitation as a photon i ascended and broke through the tedium of delirium
but you were still a sunken ship falling endlessly waiting for an impact that would shatter the already broken anchor of your life
i would find you at odd hours in the guest bedroom. i have no recollection of giving you a key to my house. the love i bore for you as a result of circumstance-
-the stars in your sky were never the same as mine. hesitation is necessary when you grab onto the line of destiny and follow it like soldiers marching to war
you were the god of endurance and pleasure. endure the pleasure until it consumes you whole
blue-tinted lips, skin paler than old animal bones, unresponsive, going through the unforgiving biology of death
i could’ve saved you, this wasn’t the first time you overdosed but i deemed it to be your last
your breath growing shallower by the moment. you had never looked so peaceful. it was only by the indifferent mercy of a vehicular accident bystander that i released you
colourless. breathless. lifeless.
the guilt almost washed over my relief but its strength could not compare as the relief belonged to both of us. my relief in life, yours in death.
- rudraksh dange
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