The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a people pleaser as “a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires”. These people are hard-wired to always put others before themselves and exhaust every way possible to ensure the other person is happy and comfortable. Does that sound like you? Then maybe you are one of the unique group of people called people-pleaser. And by no means is that a bad thing. Being a people pleaser shows the kind of person you are, a kind, considerate, and empathetic person who takes pleasure in making others happy. The world needs more people like that. And even if you are not a people pleaser, there might be one person or one relationship that makes you give your all to it and not care about what it means for you or your mental health.
The problem comes when you can’t maintain an important tool that helps you preserve your mental health and ensure your well-being, and boundaries. Boundaries can be typically physical, emotional, and sexual in nature.
Physical boundaries are boundaries involving your body and space. They range from your right to privacy, how comfortable you are with any kind of physical touch, and meeting your bodily needs such as hunger, thirst, and sleep. This can include not being comfortable with shaking hands or hugging to taking alone time off without being guilty about the same.
Emotional boundaries are those involving your feelings and how you deal with the feelings of those around you. They ensure that you know your feelings are independent of others’ and that you are not responsible for what the other person is feeling, but only for your own. A few examples of this would include not having an intimate conversation with your partner when you’re emotionally drained and communicating with the other person about how their words and actions are affecting you and your emotional well-being (ex., you calling me this is hurting me and I would like you to stop).
Sexual boundaries as the name suggests are about setting proper boundaries around consent, honesty about sexual history, and what you expect from the relationship. Conversation about the various things you’re comfortable with or not comfortable with ensures that your overall experience is positive and your mental health is intact.
Establishing boundaries might be hard, especially during the beginning as people start to question why you’re suddenly changing and establishing new rules around your relationships, it might be scary to think that you might lose a few people or hurt them in the process but it is especially important to start working on this to ensure that the relationships you’re in do not drain you out and rather encourage you to grow and evolve into a better version of yourself.
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