Have you ever had the feeling of being completely dissociated from the people around you even if you’re all just laughing and having a good time? Felt like there was an invisible barrier that somehow separated you from all those around you, and you end up feeling like you’ll never actually belong anywhere. Or maybe you’ve tried to make friends, tried talking to people but all in vain, because you never seem to be able to make a connection?
This was the feeling that completely overwhelmed me during the first few months of college. And while that was the time that thought was most potent, if I’m being honest there’s always been a part of me that felt that way all through my life. And it is such a weird feeling, isn’t it? You can’t seem to describe it but somehow it always stays in the back of your mind. You wish there was something you could do about it but you don’t quite understand what you’re feeling or why you’re feeling that way so you just go on without acknowledging it. And soon enough, you get so used to it that you don’t even think about it anymore. And the only times you feel that way again are at random times when you’re surrounded by people and you can almost see and touch that invisible veil that is somehow separating you from all those other people around.
It doesn't matter if you’re a self-designated loner or a social butterfly, I bet chances are you’ve felt this way at least once in your life. And if you’re anything like me, you’ve felt this way more times than you’d care to admit. And I’m here to tell you I get how scary and confusing it is… And while I can’t tell you it’ll all be okay, that one day you’ll finally get that feeling of fitting in perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle, I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay not to perfectly fit anywhere. It’s all right to be different, to be unique, and to stand out. Conformity is rooted in our genes, no doubt, but so is individuality. What I’ve learned from years of feeling this way is that it’s okay to embrace your isolation. Why, I’d go as far as to say it’s cathartic in a sense. Feeling comfortable in your distinctiveness while connecting with the world around you is, in my opinion, the best way to deal with this feeling of not quite fitting in anywhere. And who’s to say, maybe that’s a good thing after all.
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