Do you often desire to lose weight? Still, you indulge in overeating? Learn to improve self-control to eliminate the behavior of overeating. Many believe that thoughts have a very powerful influence on our behavior. But they forget to add that “Any thought is just a message until it is acted upon!” By knowing what mistake we committed, we will be better equipped to learn to improve self-control. So let’s know more about it.
What mistake do we commit when we try to control ourselves?
We reject our temptations, cravings & thoughts
Instead of thinking about the need and why we had the urge to fulfill our temptation, we fight them by denying the fact that it exists. Many times the thoughts we have are the result of feelings that we may want to replace or feelings that we desire to possess. When we can have a better way to change our feelings, we may then gain better self-control.
We overuse our capacity to exert self-control.
We frequently exert self-control, sometimes over unnecessary things. Later, ego depletion takes place. Thus, we are now no longer able to control ourselves. Therefore, we must use our power of self-control judiciously.
How to Control Self?
Accept, approve and validate your thoughts. (But don’t act)
This might seem like a joke. Why must we accept the thoughts on which we don’t want to act? Or otherwise, if we accept then are we deceiving ourselves? LOL It's not true. By accepting our thoughts, we give ourselves some time and space to rethink.
Imagine a 5-year-old kid who wants a toy. If the parents say yes when the kid least expects it, then what happens? Most of the time, the kid thinks that the toy is not a good one and later changes their mind. But sometimes, the kid becomes happy and waits until the toy arrives. Here, what we can do is understand why the kid desires that toy for the first time. Is it because of friends? Or is it because of lack of motor stimulation due to lack of trips to the park? Now, if we fix the causes, the kid no longer desires what was once desired.
Sorry for the kid analogy. But our mind of craving, “Id” in the language of psychology is the instinctive brain like that of a small kid, running most of the time on “Pleasure principle”. Therefore, we can control ourselves by judiciously using our control power. At the same time, it's equally important to first accept our thoughts and then act on the root cause. A similar thing happens during mindfulness. We accept the thoughts, instead of fighting them.
Think about your goals in abstract terms. (Fujita & Han, 2009)
When we try to remind ourselves of the glorious purpose (Why?) of what we are doing now. The reason’s worth helps us control ourselves. One must then not focus on what is being done now to control the action, instead, on why that control is being made. Example: When trying to control diet, people should remind themself that why dieting needs to be done? (Eg.: for better fitness or controlling diabetes) instead of what pleasure is being missed out on in the current moment (Like Ice-cream).
Know that self-control is limited. (The concept of Ego Depletion)
As I talked about it earlier, our power of self-control is finite. Therefore, it must be used judiciously. The more you use now, the less you will have later towards the end of the day.
Example:
Suppose Mary had a very tiresome and bad day, she got scolded by her boss for not meeting a deadline. She decides to eat chips while watching TV. She has associated watching TV with chips as an activity of pleasure and stress-busting over time.
As humans, all of us enjoy sweet and fatty things thanks to our genetic disposition and evolution. These sweet and fatty things served as a storehouse of calories and helped us survive in the scarcity of food.
Mary doesn't realize that she eats chips not because of need but of want. This so-called “Leisure-time” is a “Time-out” she needs to relieve her stress. So the root cause of this behavior is stress not hunger but since the food got associated with TV, it now gives a hunger-like feeling.
Later, she tries to control this behavior of overeating by strictly saying no to any treat (even of low calorie) offered in the office. But as soon as she reached home; she thought of chips and couldn't resist them anymore.
So what can be the solution?
Let’s first analyze the situation:
Behavior: Overeating
Cause: Stress and TV-Food association
Mistake: Frequently and strictly saying no to food (even of low calorie), later, binge eating.
“Our brain is a machine which gets us messages from the environment, these messages are our thoughts. It’s in our hands whether to act on them or not”
We need to learn empathy and become sensitive towards ourselves, we need to validate, accept and approve our thoughts.
“The best battles are the ones which we don’t fight”
The same applies to our behavior systems. We don’t need to fight our thoughts but need to understand and act accordingly.
Solution: 1. She needs to use her power of self-control judiciously. (Eg.: She can say yes to fruits and berry-filled yogurt but later no to chips which are much more unhealthy)
2. She needs to understand her root cause of overeating and fight that. She needs to fight the reason behind the signal/ cue, not the thought. Eg.: She can learn to better cope with her problems and eliminate all her stressors. In the meantime, she can choose to jog after office hours, since exercise is an instant mood booster.
Conclusion:
We hope that by now you might have understood how to improve self-control. If not, then please keep checking our blog for more content regarding Self-Control.
Just remember:
Try not to reject your temptations, cravings & thoughts
Don’t overuse your capacity to exert self-control over unnecessary things.
Please Note:
Please do read our "what have we learned today?" section below to recall and memorize the Secret/ key points.
What have we learned today?
Accept, approve and validate your thoughts. (But don’t act)
Think about your goals in abstract terms.
Know that self-control is limited.
The concept of the Pleasure principle.
The concept of Id.
That behavior can get associated.
Fighting the root cause of an urge, not the thought is important.
The concept of Ego-depletion.
Also, Happiness increases by sharing it, So Please Do share this and make a difference.
We would love to hear your story of improving self-control or fighting overeating, so please do share it in the comment section and we will share it to inspire billions!!!
References:
Fujita, K., & Han, H. A. (2009). Moving beyond deliberative control of impulses: the effect of construal levels on evaluative associations in self-control conflicts. Psychological science, 20(7), 799–804. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02372.x
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