Have you ever told someone going through a hard time or instead experienced someone saying this to you, “don’t worry, things could be much worse”? When you are having a hard time, such words seem to fuel the fire. One can never feel better, constantly comparing themselves to how things could be worse. Would you feel the same if someone asked you not to be happy just because “things could be better”? If being annoyed at this is something you can relate to, this blog is for you.
Being the one who always looks at the glass as half full is an excellent outlook on life. However, we are humans and deserve to feel all our emotions, even though they might not always be as favorable. When you keep forcing yourself to look at the brighter side of things all the time, you may be experiencing something called ‘toxic positivity.’
Toxic positivity is the idea that we should only focus on positive emotions and experiences in life. Everyone talks about how to be positive, but that does not mean it is the only solution to dealing with problems. Viewing things to be happy when the world seems to crumble comes at a massive cost to our mental health. Such an example was apparent during the times of the pandemic when our minds were clouded and filled with anxious thoughts with no one to have any answers. In such a case, if you were one of those people who had someone to talk about these negative feelings to, journal your thoughts, and process the situation, then kudos to you. However, suppose you tried to ignore such emotions and avoid dealing with these thoughts by keeping yourself distracted, surrounded by fluffy social media posts, and feeling pressured or even guilty or shameful in expressing your negative thoughts. In that case, you might have experienced toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity gets introduced in two forms. Suppose, after a tough breakup, your best friend keeps asking you to stop whining about your loss and focus on what’s ahead of you; this is externally-imposed toxic positivity. On the other hand, during the same breakup, if you were to keep insisting on shunning negative feelings, this would be called self-imposed toxic positivity.
Engaging in such a thought process can cause harm over time and, ironically, have negative consequences and lesser compassion and empathy in the long run. It encourages not to raise your voice and remain silent even in times of help, diminishes the threshold at which an individual speaks for themselves, and promotes pretending to be happy even when that might not always be the case.
How else can we approach a friend who comes up to us with a problem, if not make them feel better by showing a positive perspective? The answer is to listen. Sometimes the only solution someone wants to their problem is just for someone to lend an empathetic ear to their story because it is true that some things just don’t always work out. Life will always be filled with instances where such circumstances would come up, leaving you speechless; in those times, just listen and offer them the comfort of knowing that you are there for them, even though things might get tricky.
In a culture and generation where we already seem to be constantly competing with others, ourselves, or with time, emotions are the only thing getting left behind without enough time to catch up. Things happen so quickly that it barely leaves us space to process what is happening around us. In such a time, neglecting negative emotions and bottling them up is the last thing one needs, let alone being forced to mask, hide and filter them out to produce only happy thoughts, experiences, and feelings.
References:
An Introduction to Toxic positivity. (n.d.). Proactive For Her. Retrieved August 30, 2022, from
https://proactiveforher.com/blogs/mental-health/an-introduction-to-toxic-positivity/ Legg, T. J. (2021, March 30). Toxic positivity: Definition, risks, how to avoid, and more. Medical News Today. Retrieved August 30, 2022, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/toxic-positivity#what-it-is
Quintero, S., & Long, J. (n.d.). Toxic Positivity: The Dark Side of Positive Vibes.
The Psychology Group Fort Lauderdale. Retrieved August 30, 2022, from
https://thepsychologygroup.com/toxic-positivity/
What Is Toxic Positivity? | Right as Rain. (2021, September 8). Right as Rain by UW Medicine. Retrieved August 31, 2022, from https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/well-being/toxic-positivity
Wong, B. (n.d.). What Is Toxic Positivity? Why It's OK To Not Be OK Right Now. Retrieved August 30, 2022, from https://cdn.fedweb.org/fed-115/2/toxic%2520positivity%2520and%2520Why%2520It%25E2%2580%2599s%2520OK%2520To%2520Not%2520Be%2520OK%2520Righ t%2520Now.pdf
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