Dear embarrassment,
This letter is in response to your surprise visit on November 1, 2020, Sunday. I want to say
“hope this letter finds you in the pink of your health and spirits”, but then, in 9th grade (4
years ago), you told me, “no one says that anymore and it’s very 6th grade”. So, I have
stopped using it in my letters. I would have asked how are your friends and family- Anxiety
and Overthinking, but I know they are always at their peak. You have been regularly visiting
me nowadays and that’s okay because people around me keep saying, the way I behave, I am
bound to be visited by you. But your last surprise visit was very unnecessary. So, I am going
to talk about that.
At around 9 pm, I am laying down on my bed, listening to songs. I got a call from my friend.
We are talking normally. Like always, she is talking about how beautiful fairness is (in the
context of skin) and me being in love with my tanned brown skin keeps telling her, how skin
color is not important. But then, she brought up the topic of how when she was tanned, she
used to be mocked in school. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, I am taken back to all the
times, when my family kept saying that the bride is beautiful because she is fair and the times
when they said “why is he marrying her, she’s not even pretty, she is fat, but she’s dark too”.
And then, you arrive, out of the blue. You start telling me, with that evil grin of yours,
looking right into my already vulnerable state of mind, taking advantage of the memories I
recalled, “So, you are proud of your skin color huh?” “Yes, I am!” I said. “But why?” asked
your mother, Overthinking. “You know, I have the beautiful colour of mother Earth. It gives
birth to plants. Everyone loves it. I am proud of my skin color,” I said, out loud to you and
your mother. “Are you sure about that?” asked your friend, Anxiety. “Who likes mud?” you
asked. “Everyone enjoys playing in the mud!” I said. “But then they wash it off because it’s
dirty,” you said. I had nothing else to say. My friend, she kept speaking on the other side, but
I had nothing to say.
I was just giving in to you, again. I invited your son (Guilt) after you left. But he rejected my
invitation. Then I invite someone, who doesn’t visit me a lot, Self-worth. I told him how guilt
rejected my invitation. “Yes, because we both know, you should not feel guilty for loving
yourself, your body, and your skin color. No one should be. That’s why he refused to visit
you.” These words of self-worth got me thinking.
Embarrassment, I don’t want to think about the past now. I don’t want to know why you
always visited me when I used to talk about body positivity, obesity, and self-love in public. I
don’t want to know why you visited me, when I was dancing in front of an audience, skipped
a step, and fell. I don’t want to know why you visited me and still visit me, when my audio
was switched on and I said something out loud, in front of the whole online class. All I want
to say to you now is, I am a human being, I made mistakes, make mistakes, and will be
making mistakes. I am plump and dark-skinned, but I love my body and my skin. So, stop
visiting me, every time I make an innocent mistake or talk about self-love and obesity in
public. Also, ask your mother (Overthinking), your friend (Anxiety), and your son (Guilt) to
stop visiting me, every time I take out some time for myself or crack a joke in front of my
friends. I appreciate your concerns, but as you know, I am growing up. Even my parents have
started to give me a little independence. So please, stop keeping me bound to your chains.
We have been cohabiting for so long now, so I know, keeping distance would be difficult.
But this is important for my emotional development. I hope you understand what I am trying
to say.
Yours Sincerely,
Sulagna Datta
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